You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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