I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
