I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
