she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Terrible idea I love it
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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