He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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