you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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