I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
