Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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