is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
