The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
did i walk over a car last night?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
