i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
soo... how was my night?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
