I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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