Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
