guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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