forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just gargled with NyQuil
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
