I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize