3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
