happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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