You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
