woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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