dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I cockslap morals
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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