the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The uberlube is also flammable
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
