Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
