There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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