yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
