Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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