Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize