we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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