I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
