Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
