Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Everyone says I win the strip club
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
