babies were throwing up all over the place
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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