if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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