That's when you crack a 10am beer
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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