So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
