I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
