I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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