dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
