grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
