I think I can smell my own vagina right now
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
