i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
