At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
