i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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