i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
