If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
