Sry I called you an 8
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
