Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
