It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
