.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
