i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
