just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
