sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
