i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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