Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
