make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
