I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
