people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
