nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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