He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You need a sexual gate keeper
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
