Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
