I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
