im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
