U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
