My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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