sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
