I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
