hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Randomize
