first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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