Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
