You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Pants are for mortals
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
