I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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