Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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