i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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