I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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