i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize