We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
