No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
