ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Drunk is not a location!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
