Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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