I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
