I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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