Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
