thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
